I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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