She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
