I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
