I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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