Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
