THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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