Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
