if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize