That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
