After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
