I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize