Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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