he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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