That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
