2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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