Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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