using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
