you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
