There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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