Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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