If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How does one acquire holy water?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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