I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
