you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
