I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize