I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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