they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
