I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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