You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
