Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
