Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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