Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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