If i come over, it means nothing
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
