Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
