Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
