this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
