My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
