you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
