He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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