Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
