Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
