i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
