Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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