My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
