I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
