It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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