you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
