i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
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