This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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