So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
