I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
