Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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