It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
