Will you blow on my dice?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
