i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
