guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
