i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
