She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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