smell my finger.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
