I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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