So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize