Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
