at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
