You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
