I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
