I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
