Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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