I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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