I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
