that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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