I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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